Monday, 26 July 2010

My favourite Bible quotes

This is the King James version. Newer versions may have been toned down.

Does evil come from God? Yes!
1 Samuel 18:10
Isaiah 19:14
Isaiah 45:7
Jeremiah 11:11, 18:11, 32:42, 40:2, 44:2, 45:5, 49:37
Lamentations 2:5
Amos 3:6
Micah 1:12
Malachai 2:3

Environmentalism - the earth is yours to abuse
Genesis 1:28, 9:2-3

Slavery is OK says the Bible
Exodus 21:7
Leviticus 25:44-6

Homosexuality is not OK unless you’re King David, says the Bible
Leviticus 18:22, 20:13
Samuel 20:40-41
2 Samuel 1:26

Adultery = death, says the Bible
Leviticus 19:20, 20:10

Incest is OK, says the Bible
Genesis 19:30-36

An inspiring story about gender equality and proper mourning: Judges 19:22-30

Weird arbitrary laws
 Leviticus 19:19, 19:28

Some examples of coprophagia, scatology, etc:
Isaiah 36:12
Ezekiel 4:12
Malachai 2:3

God likes killing children to punish parents, says the Bible
Leviticus 26:27-29
Isaiah 9:19-20, 13:15-18
Jeremiah 19:9,
Ezekiel 5:10, 6:5
Lamentations 2:20, 4:10
Micah 3:2-4
Zechariah 11:9
Hosea 13:16
Psalms 137:9

Disciplining Children, with death if necessary
Proverbs 22:15, 23:13
Deuteronomy 21:18-21

Unbelievers must die or at the very least be hated:
Deuteronomy 13:6-15, 17:3-5.
Psalm 139: 21-22
Jeremiah 9:4-6
Isaiah 29:14
Leviticus 24:16

Witches must die:
Exodus 22:18
Micah 5:12.

Working on the sabbath? Die!
Exodus 35:2

Is Jesus about peace? No.
Matthew 10:34, 12:30
Mark 6:11
Luke 12:51

How do you know whether a religion is bad?
Matthew 7:15
I wonder if the Inquisition and the Crusades would count as examples of evil fruit?

Who is to blame for Jesus’ death?
Matthew 27:25
1 Thessalonians 2:14-16

The Christian theory of health: Sin causes disease, not dirt
Matthew 15:20
John 5:8-14

What is the Christian attitude to sex (straight and gay)?
Matthew 5:28-30
Matthew 19:10-12
1 Corinthians 7:1-8, 6:9-11
Luke 20:34-35
1 Timothy 1:10
Romans 1:26-27

What is the Christian attitude to women? They must keep quiet and cover themselves.
 1 Corinthians 11:3
1 Timothy 2:9-14
1 Peter 3:1-7

Is it acceptable to get a divorce? No.
Matthew 19:9, 5:31-2
Mark 10:11
Luke 16:18

How important is family? Less important than Jesus.
Matthew 19:27-29, 10:29-30, 23:9, 10:21, 10:34-37, 12:47-49
Luke 18:29-30, 9:59-62, 14:33, 12:52-53, 8:20-21
Mark 13:12, 13:17, 7:9-13, 3:31-34
John 2:3-4
In Cults and New Faiths, the Christian author, John Butterworth, says: “[Cults] frequently have a very strong, charismatic leader. Absolute obedience to the leader and his teaching is often called for. This obedience can include giving up home, job, family, and possessions” (1981, pp2-3).

Is it acceptable to be rich? No, but He doesn’t have much time for the poor either.

Matthew 19:24, 25:29
Mark 10:25, 4:25,
Luke 16:19-31, 18:24-25, 19:26, 8:18.
James 5:1
John 12:3-8
How valuable is knowledge, learning, and wisdom? Not at all.

Matthew 13:10-11, 15:22-26
Mark 7:25-29, 4:11-12
Luke 8:10, 10:21, 16:15, 18:17
1 Corinthians 1:20-21, 2:2-5, 13:7, 14:38
1 Timothy 6:4-5, 6:20
Colossians 2:8
Romans 1:29-32

What's the point?

I realise, of course, that many of my readers might give some excuses for these rather lousy verses, such as:

1. They are interpolations by the devil
2. They are interpolations by mischievous atheists
3. They are mistranslations of the original
4. They are allegorical
5. They are symbolic
6. They no longer apply since Jesus' overall message is about love and therefore we can overlook some minor aberrations

My response to all of the above is: Bollocks. You can't pick and choose your Bible verses.

Unchangeable“You shall not add to the word which I command you, nor take from it, that you may keep the commandments of the Lord your God which I command you.” Deuteronomy 4:2, 12:32
Isaiah 40:8: “The grass withereth, the flower fadeth: but the word of our God shall stand for ever.”
I Peter 1:25: “But the word of the Lord endureth for ever...”
I guess this means you can’t just pick and choose which Bible verses to obey.

It's all or nothing. Either it's the Word of God and it is perfect, or it is human-written and false. If you go for the theory that it is the Word of God, then you must accept all the above laws and verses as true. Including the ones about killing your badly-behaved children, committing incest with your daughters, abandoning your family, etc. If however you want to cherry-pick, then please tell me by what higher moral authority are you deciding which verses to cherry-pick?

I'll wager it's the Bill of Human Rights.

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